04.30.08

The world is mine!

I've finally upgraded my life. Still without a job, I still managed to trek my way to Wal-mart to make some very valuable purchases. To ensure that I never lose my way again, I bought a new cell phone with GPS installed. I'll be able to walk around any neighborhood and be certain that a satellite is shooting invisible rays in my direction. Also, I was running low on clean socks, so I picked up two six-packs of socks. Who would've thunk that they sold left foot socks and right foot socks separately? That could be my new money-making idea. Sell socks for both feet in one pack. Watch out, Hanes. The JP Enterprises is on the rise, and we sure as hell ain't no Star Trek battleship.

(pause)

I just googled the name and apparently my company is selling bolt-action rifles and gun shit. I guess I'll have to invent a new, more prolific name. Oh, well. Back to my day. I made sure to purchase some Under Armour because those are the only tights I can probably wear and not look like a gay superhero. I couldn't find a nice ski mask, so instead I picked up a kid's Robin Halloween mask. Though, I haven't tried on any of it yet, I can already tell my outfit is going to be kickass. I also bought 3 boxes of cereal, which should last me the rest of the year if I eat two pieces every few hours. I'm already anxious to finish a box to see what lucky prize I'll win. I hope it's a laser gun because that would seriously make my super-hero costume accessorizing complete.

I can see it already. I make my way to New Jersey. Breathe in toxic fumes. Gain mutant powers. Fight crime in the tri-state area. Soon enough, Spielberg and Scorsese will be contacting me to star in their next generation X-men flick. Then, Buttman will be calling me up to make a biographical film of my life, only I lose my virginity and continually get laid. It's gonna be the shit. Look out for me because I am on the road to better places and shit.

Some choose to dream their life.
I choose to live my dream.
But people still call me an idiot.