04.09.08

Oh, great heavens to Mergetroy!!!

Today, they hired a new copy machine attendant. Not too sure what happened with the old one, Montana, but he was way cool, especially since they named a state after him. As for this new guy, it's the first day I meet him, and he just starts babbling on about his problems in life. For example, he's complaining about the disorganized pin board above his copier, complaining about how everyone, aside from himself, in the office gets their own stapler, and how people expect him to copy their kids' book reports for them. (Go write a blog about it!) And he hasn't even been working for more than 3 hours. He's not allowed to complain until he's been initiated by the OG's. The Office Gangstas. And why the hell did I introduce myself to him in the first place. I was just trying to be nice, but all of a sudden, I'm the only person he wants to talk to. And why does he think he's the hot shit? He doesn't even own a pocket protector or a .3 lead mechanical pencil. (Get your game up, new guy!) I'm sure he's just looking for a friend. He followed me on my lunch break to watched me eat. He followed me on my bathroom break to watch me pee. He even followed me on my "secret rendezvous with the semi-hot intern" break to watch me get action. I don't even know how he caught me going on that break. I think I may have to punch his eyes out to ensure that he doesn't witness any other wrongful behavior taking place in the work zone.

Speaking of the hot intern, I told that bitch not to wear granny panties on Wednesdays and what does she do? She wears granny panties. That shit pissed me off my blue laguna socks, and I wasn't quite turned on, but I gave it to her, anyway. Especially, since I have the authority to dismiss her from her daily duties. She'll do as she's told if she knows what's good for her. She better finish the rest of my TPS reports or I'll be in deeper shit than a black belt fly in a karate class full of shit. Or something within that range.

My metaphorisms teacher (That's right. I'm back in school, baby!!!) insists that I incorporate metaphors in my every day life, otherwise the universe may cease to exist, and I may never get to see the Pluto formally known as planet.


How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterwards. Gotta love life.