Dear Chef Boyardee,
I recently ate one of your microwavable lasagnas three months past its expiration date. I found it in a dumpster, where, I'm guessing, it was thrown into when a squirrel without disposable thumbs realized the impossibility of cracking open the tin can. The noodles and the orange sauce resembling spaghetti sauce miraculously tasted like how it looked on the label's picture. Aside from the green stain on my teeth, everything seemed to work out fine. I did not have any problems with urinating out of my asshole, nor did I feel sick or fatigued from food poisoning, so I would almost consider myself a happy camper. (All I need is an RV.) I only write you this letter to ask that you share some food secrets with Mrs. Fields, so that other "past expiration date" eaters don't suffer from the horrible experiences I've had with her' goodies. I'm sure Mrs. Fields would let you try some of her cookie in exchange for your noodle, if you know what I mean? Please continue to make expired food better, and I will continue in the rally for the support against Raggo and Pregu sauce and shit. Keep it real and stay cool because mama ain't raise no joke.
Your pal,
Jamal Pirruth
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