It's about fuckin' time!
I have finally moved one step forward in my dream to becoming a super hero, discovering the two of the many super powers I possess. While outside, in the early mornings of sunrise, I was frolicking on someone's front yard, practicing my Super Hero Intense Tai Chi Of Crazy Karate. It's a new martial art form I'm currently in the process of inventing of which I have shortened the name to SHITCOCK. While strengthening my chi with my kata, a mosquito latches itself onto my sweaty bicep, at which point, I began to flex until the mosquito was bulging my blood. After flexing my muscle to capacity, the mosquito exploded, leaving just it's straw of a mouth sticking out of my arm. I'm guessing the mosquito must've called for reinforcements when it had realized the doom I had put on its soul because a bee came tumbling around, possibly drunk, aiming for my jugular. Luckily, my sloth-like reflexes did not prevent me from being stung. I say luckily because had I not got stung, I would not have discovered my newly found power. As the bee plunged it's little ass-penis in my super powered skin, it jumped off and fell to the ground in convulsions. Though it hurt like hell, I noticed that it's ass-penis was still stuck to me. As I laughed at the dying bee, I realized that I was blessed with mutant powers. For a second, I almost felt like the Incredible Hulk, only not so green and mean. I felt so much more powerful knowing that I had the power to dismember any being to come into contact with my skin, along with the power to inject them with my blood until the point of gluttonous explosion.
Soon, I may have to put my power to the test against my arch-enemies, some of which include the Junk Mail Senders, the One-Up Mushroom, and the Low Paying Employers. Justice will be served, and you can count on that. But for the moment, I will continue to master my SHITCOCK which will eventually lead to my ceremony for being donned a national hero, holding the key to the city and the love of the hearts of good-hearted citizens of my imaginary world I call Earth.
"You can do what you want to do in living color." -Heavy D
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