Juneteenth '08

Freedom!

I've finally applied for my unemployment benefits, and I hope they pay me big money (I'm talking Wheel of Fortune big money) because I work really hard at not working. If it wasn't for hard working non-workers, like myself, the world would be too busy to see life fly by. How else do you think people invent things like rubber bands and light bulbs and shit? By not working. Some people like to call me lazy, but I am very far from it. The difference between being lazy and not working is that not all non-workers are lazy and lazy people don't work. It's as simple as that. In other words, the banana that falls from the tree falls at the same speed as when it's thrown down by angry chimpanzees who can't open a coconut.

It's only been two days, but I've been sitting on this same chair for what should have been 44 hours straight. If it wasn't for my meddling bladder, I just might have gotten away with it. I'm not too sure what the origin of the smell is, but I think something is rotten in the state of my living quarters. It's almost like there is a big secret that is meant to be kept away from me. I'm going to get to the bottom of this, and when I do, I'm going to foil all plans which involve stuff that doesn't involve me.

As for my math lab idea, I've decided not to proceed with plans. Thinking that the majority of 4-year-olds are fools, I tried to peddle one of my equations to them. It went a little something like this:

"Hello. Come hither, child!"
I can't talk to strangers.
"Worry not, for I am no stranger. Now, tell me. How many space bucks do you carry?"
Why are you talking like that? All weird-like?
"Silence, traitor! Do not interrogate your elders!"
Go away!
"I shall, but not until you purchase the answer to the equation, 1+1."
I already know. The answer is 2!
"That is only but one of the answers, demon spawn. I hold another answer which stands much simpler. Even the quick-witted do not possess such mathematical acuity."
There is no other answer, dirty, old man! Now, get out of my face, before I call my brother. He's 12 and he can kick your ass all the way to Rodizio, and that's all the way in the Europe, somewhere! Go sell that, weirdo!
"You are a fool, little one. I shall begone, but know this: I have the best math in town."

As I disappeared, I laughed at the child for not knowing how to add. Perhaps when he grows more hairs on his toes, he will begin to truly understand the power of math and its components and shit.

1 + 1 = 10. This lesson is free of charge.