Kamehameha Day '08

Aloha!

I picked up some new slang from the OG's in IT. (By the way, I started a new office job, so my super hero career searching will have to be put on hold because not all of us can be a Superman. Besides, I have yet to purchase glasses to disguise my true identity.) After being warned that the office bathroom is a forbidden palace for the cubicloids, (that's my term for the cubicle desk workers, such as myself) I tried my best today to never visit it. Unfortunately, my lack of bladder control forced me to enter through these forbidden doors that my cubicle neighbors spoke badly of. Upon entering, I found it to be one of the most craziest places ever because inside were the OG's of IT kicking back on fold up chairs, puffing on J's with their laptops ironically on their lap. (Somehow, the IT guys run the third floor and the bathroom happens to be one of their three conference rooms that they use throughout the day.) I say ironically because I normally see people using laptops set atop tables or naked women. They checked me out and after taking a hit or two, they decided I was one of the few who could be down with IT OGs 3rd Floor Division. They began talking about some kind of malfunction with components in the new program, but eventually strayed off into a conversation about "blogs." I had no idea what the hell they were talking about, but apparently, Noof, one of their homies, had "dropped one of the most awesome blogs ever." Now, just from context clues, I assumed that a blog was a shit. Or the shorter term for a butt log. Not wanting to interrupt their conversation, I excused myself by saying, "Excuse me, but I must drop a blog myself. I shall return." I went and did my duty, making sure I triple-plyed the toilet seat along with wiping ten times to ensure that streaks would not be left on my inside-out underwear. When I got out of the stall, they started asking where my blog was and if I had used my phone to drop it. I thought they wanted to know if I took pictures of my shit. Walking them over to the stall, I showed them my blog, and they began laughing profusely. After realizing that I had no idea what the definition of a blog was, they joined together to beat me up, calling me a noob in the process. One bloody nose and a bruised arm later, I return to my desk only to discover that a blog isn't a piece of excrement, and a noob isn't another term for a penis. From this experience, I now fully understand why everyone avoids using the 3rd floor office bathroom.

Though I have put my superhero career on hold, I will still be practicing my martial art to ensure that my pimp hand is way strong.

If I didn't have to wait a year to take my paid vacation days, I'd be out in Hawaii, getting drunk with hula dancers, eating roasted pig with pineapples, and trying to get lei'd every 5 minutes.

Aloha!