Brilliant!
After much thinking about how to direct my future in becoming a superhero and after not watching Iron Man, I realized that not having super powers will make my dreams difficult to achieve. Wanting to be like Tony Stark, I decided to make myself the lesser version of him, and since Atomic number 13 is my favorite element, I've decided to make myself Al¹³ Man!!! After wasting close to 80 dollars on rolls of aluminum wrap, I have made the ultimate suit for myself, wrapping myself in layers and layers of aluminum foil. It was a great idea until some teenage skateboarders started making jokes telling me that the comic convention was in NY and that I forgot my silver surfboard in Dorkusville, where ever that is. I'll forgive those hoodlums for now, but if I ever catch them skateboarding in a No Skateboarding zone, I just may have to take the law into my hands and write them a Superhero Summons and send them home to their mommy. Then, we'll see who's really from Dorkusville.
Getting side-tracked, I hired my first employee today. After much thinking about how much I despise washing dishes that I may never use, I picked up some random customer and got her to do my job for five dollars. I feel almost power-drunk by the little bit of control I had for about 5 minutes. She did my job, which allowed me to take a 20-minute break of which I spent making foul gestures to the security cameras around the building. It just may have been one of the best breaks I ever had. If only I could see the faces of the rent-a-cop watching those videos when he/she sees me slapping my bare butt and grabbing my crotch while doing Michael Jackson spins and shit. It's fucking great.
On a more lovelier note, I have found an awesome place to sleep for the next few days. Apparently, some people moved out of this arson-struck home. They must've known I was coming because they left a bed their for me to rest on and it was just right. I'm guessing that the people that lived there were sort of not right in the head because the majority of the house was painted black, even the bed on which I slept on. And they must've painted it recently because a lot of the paint was rubbing off on my brand old clothes. Oh well. What can you do? I'll just have to get to a laundro-mart sometime this weekend.
It's yesterday's leftovers! It's a baked potato!! It's Aluminum Man!!!
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