05.13.08

Gadzooks!

I'm not too sure what kind of toilet paper I used today, but I think I paper-cutted my butthole. A little after dropping a huge load off at the Johnny, I wet-farted, and discovered a spray of blood on my tighty-whiteys. It wasn't a lovely site, but it was funny nevertheless. If I didn't paper-cut my a-nole, there must've been glass shards or something in my previous meal, which would definitely not be cool unless the glass shards were really bits of ice cream topped with nonpareils. That would've been sweet. Oh well. It'll eventually heal because that's what a-nole's do.

On the lighter side, I found a part-time job that pays under the table, and though I only plan to work 56 hours for one week and never show face again, I can say that I helped to heal the world. As I write, I am gathering pieces of paper and recycling them into paper airplanes that I plan to fly around the world with secret love notes hidden within. So, if you happen to unfold a paper airplane with a sexually harassing message written inside, know that it came from my heart and involved much scientifical and perpetual thinking.

As for the lost wallet situation, I have decided to make my name Chief Champion of the Brussel Sprout Brigade. And to prevent another lost wallet casualty, I will start carrying a man-purse to ensure that such a travesty never happen again. If anyone has ever lost their wallet, I would highly recommend man-purses, especially ones with secret compartments to hold FOOTBALLS and BEERS, because you never know when one might put to test your testosterone levels.

There's nothing wrong with carrying a man-purse because I enjoy watching LESBIAN ACTIVITIES!!!