03.24.08

I still don't get it.

How did I end up being 35 years old and still living with my parents. They've done their best to take care of me and I thank them much for that. Being the age that I am, I now understand the reasons I get kicked out of the house for a few hours, so that they can enjoy their alone time. Who would've thunk it that old people still get it on? Knowing that my parents still indulge in carnal pleasures makes me quiver, but I guess that's how I got the opportunity to bless Earth with my presence. All the while, I'm still trying to figure out how to get these females to jump my bones. I will find a way sooner or later.

That's another thing.

How did I end up being 35 years old and still not know what 1st base feels like? I'm on my way to becoming the "40-Year-Old Virgin in Real Life." How ironic. There are very good reasons as to how I ended up in the situation I'm in. I've met plenty of people who brag about the 3 or 4 girlfriends that they're juggling throughout the week, and it's pretty obvious that I'd be getting my groove on if these "pimps," for lack of a better word, weren't hogging them all. Friends have suggested that I find a prostitute, but being I don't have access to taxpayers' funds, I'm unable to do so. And for the moment, the only chance of me getting action seems to be from one of my friends, who I suspect is gay. Homosexual activity does not turn me on, but my one friend seems to hint that he wants to convert me. He constantly calls me and asks me on dates. It weirds me out. Good thing I LIKE FOOTBALL, BEER, and BABES, and other MAN STUFF. Though I've never felt vagina, I'm pretty sure I prefer that over penis. And that's the truth.

If y can sometimes be a vowel, can someone be sometimes gay? Things that make you think.