being bored and alone just made my day.

08.14.2009

Co-Worker: "This is some good ass cheese! Try one!"
Me: "I've never tried it, but ass cheese doesn't sound too good to begin with."

.............

I'm not sure whether to report the guy, but my co-worker keeps coming in to work sneezing and coughing, complaining about a fever and shit, then says he has to stop by the mall and a bunch of other places. If he doesn't keep his fever and sickness at home, I'm going to start thinking he's some kind of terrorist.

.............

07.17.2009

Flyer of the Day

Broadcasting live from a Queens studio,
we're taking over the airwaves of the interwebs!

Shoutouts to:
the Artists formerly known as Second Coming
the 35th St. Fam
Shaq and the Buddhist Monk Squad
Baby Girl
and Bug Biters Worldwide

Birthday shoutouts to:
Rain
Angelica
AJ
Darcy
July Babies Worldwide

07.01.2009

I want to play this...


I think I have developed penis elbow from being unemployed.

06.25.2009

Today, at work, after months of complaining, the boss lady got us a new water cooler for us to gossip around. While everyone was busy talking about everyone else, I drank the shit out of that water. Now, I feel sick and water-drunk. I think I might need to get my stomach pumped.

On anotha' note, here be some gospel gangsta' rap fo' yo' ass!

06.17.2009

I have recently gained interest in a newly created game called, Luncheons & Sandwiches.

I am currently a Level 1 Vegetarian Noob.
One more week and twenty-three more green beans might move me up a level.

Let's just hope my roll of the dice is twice as nice as my pizza slice and eggs with rice.

I have noticed that my poo has been smellier, which can only mean one thing:
The lack of meat in my diet has super-humanly enhanced my olfactory senses.

Whether I will be using this newly gained ability for the power of good or evil is still a mystery.

Stay tuned to find out what happens next.

In the mean time...
Watch this.



It's the letter A!

06.03.2009

This is the winning ticket because it's got the bomb diggity numbers.

05.30.2009

It's the last saturday of the month.

And you know what that means......

TOMORROW'S SUNDAY!

05.29.2009

Dear Diary,

I hate you stupid fuck dick shit dog ass eater. Didn't get a call from any of the fifty jobs of which I have applied within the past three weeks, so big fuck you dog fuck eat lick her in the anus touching balls! Thank you.

Signed,
Prickly Moses

05.20.2009

I am currently offering my services as a Full-time Boobie Identifier.

Guaranteed to let you know whether a particular thingamawhodad is a boobie or not.

Sources might say that my hands are inexperienced, but I ensure you all that my hands have seen much boobie touching via the internet, and everyone knows that the internet transforms amateurs into pros if you absorb enough information.

Employers can contact me through pricklymoses.blogspot.com.

I need a job whether it's hand or blow because I'm tired of watching strippers dance at shows. It's all the same. A cocktease and a nude show. Either way, I'm going home with blue balls.

05.14.2009

Even though I wasn't in school, the school semester is finally over, which means it's time for me to make a summer resolution. Having said that, my summer goals are to find another second job and learn myself how to engage in the latest, modern dance moves to appeal to the community of hipness and such.

For starters, I am giving myself lessons on how to Roger Rabbit with the best of them. Watch out, Best Dance Crew TV Show, because I'm going to tear that linoleum up.

I have got to get me one of these...



These too...

05.11.2009

This shit just brightened my day...

...especially at the 1:17 mark.



Alonzo Bodden cracks me up.

05.09.2009

Beer #2
Green Lakes Ale

This beer has just made it as number 2 beer on the list. What it is that I'm listing has yet to be determined, but that's the kind of shit that happens when pretending to be drunk. After careful analysis of this beer, I have come to the conclusion that the taste of pocket lint far surpasses that of this beer. However, it does strongly compliment the taste of Eskimo burgers with extra mustard, but my one question is, "Where in the hell do you find Eskimo burgers?"

If YOU have any information as to its whereabouts, let another know.


*Editor's Note*
Holy snotballs...
Green Lakes Ale is real?! I really thought I just made it up.



On that note, this beer might be good and it might be bad. All I know is that you are all entitled to your wrong opinion.

05.08.09

Somehow, I dated my last post as April Fool's Day. Of course the stupid 4 key has to be right next to the even stupider 5 key. This keyboard is very lucky that it's the only one I have, otherwise, I'd totally wipe my ass with it.

On another note...

I've discovered that googling "Prickly Moses" and clicking on the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button will produce none other than a website about beer. Because of this, I will be adding updates and reviews complaining about the beers that I am not drinking and how they're getting me drunk.

Beer #1.
Madhouse Stallion

I'm not sure if this beer is the bomb, or if it even exists, but if it did, I'd probably be throwing up all over my chest wondering why my haireolas aren't hairy. One cup of this beer felt like soft clouds of air pillows stuffing my tummy until flatulation. This beer deserves three stars out of eight, just barely making the list of top ten beers that don't exist, but if they did exist, I'd definitely be getting drunk after one and a half pints. If ever you should encounter this beer, please contact me so that I can take this off of the list I just made up. Thank you.

And now for a commercial break brought to you by T-Wisdom...

04.01.09

Due to a lack of new things to complain about, Customer Service Complaints has officially been renamed to Prickly Moses. Please note that complaints will still be filed by the author.

While we wait for the transition of things, gather your children and partake in these lovely commercial breaks...


I need a translator for this one...


this is what the world will look like in 6 years...


Michaelangelo must be the Tommy Toker of the group...


and this sir, is the funny remix...


and last but not least, my most favoritest commercial as a kid...

04.28.09

I have finally reached the end of the internet. It took me a little less than 20 years, but I have finally found it. I can finally go about my life and find that girlfriend I've always read about people having on the adult websites. If it wasn't for the internet, I'd have never learned how to talk to a woman. Who would've thought that all you needed was a sausage pizza delivered to her doorstep? If it wasn't for the internet, I never would've known how to survive a zombie attack.

Because of the internet, I haven't gotten any action. I must not be utilizing my resources correctly.

Looks like I missed the whole middle of the internet. Oh well. Back to exploring.

This game should keep you busy, as it has kept me busy for a good part of my day.

Enjoy.

Peace, Love, and Boredom.

Happy Birthday Rome!

After a short conversation with her talking about something I was paying very little attention to...

Her: Blah, blah, blah, etc.
Me: I'm actually heading this way. Do you need a ride?
Her: Well, I don't want you to go out of your way.
Me: It's all good. I can take you. You can ride in my Mercedes.
Her: Oooh. Well, I guess, if you really don't mind.
Me: Aaaight.

We walk to the parking lot and stand next to my Kia Spectra.

Her: (Looking around.) Where's your car?
Me: This is it.
Her: You said you had a Mercedes.
Me: Mercedes is the name of my car.
Her: Hahaha. Stupid.

She jumped in anyway and didn't give me any action, but at least I got a girl to sit in the passenger seat of my car. I wish I had a picture...

Bicycle Day '09

According to the wikipedia.org, today is Bicycle Day.

In honor of today, I will be driving the car around aimlessly until I get bored enough to go home.

On another note...
I just got paid, and somehow, I have already exhausted 90% of it, with nothing to show for it. FML?

03.02.09

01.15.09

I just stuffed my face with thirteen free slices of pizza and a quarter of a whole ice cream cake from work.

As lucky as I pink to gorgonzola stereos, I heart I'd best rather typewriter the peppers.

01.11.09

Do you wanna catch a cold with me?