Gadzooks!
Have you ever wondered where the term "Gadzooks!" originated? Well, I haven't, which is why I'm going to explain it's origins.
Actually, I'm not.
But according to the internet, the term is "an exclamation: a euphemistic shortening of God's hooks (the nails on the cross)." And we all know, the internet doesn't lie because if the internet did lie, it would be called a newspaper.
I forget what website I quoted that from, and accuse me of plagiarizing all you want, but I haven't plagued anybody, so if you must make an accusation, accuse me of leaving behind trails of gas in commonly frequented areas of my workplace.
Somehow, I ran into this video.
What the hell were his parents thinking when they named him Child?!
Darn hippies!
8.27.2008
8.26.2008
National Heroes' Day '08
I'm baaaaack!!!
After a long, seemingly endless flight from Beijing, I have returned to my home base, and sad to say, I have no medals to show for it, even though I competed in nearly every event possible. I'm not too sure what I was thinking when I decided to compete in any of the water events, especially when I know for a sure fact that I lack the ability to swim or even tread water. However, I am proud to say that after my diving event, I did pee in the little jacuzzi bath that all the participants jump in after jumping out of the pool.
The only event I didn't take part in was any and all equestrian events because we all know that horses are Superman's kryptonite, and although I'm no Superman, I'd sure hate to see what happens if I mounted some big-donged beast and lashed it with my cat-o-nine tails.
I was planning to put a bid for a future Summer Olympics to be held at my house, but I'm pretty sure my parents would get really pissed off, leading to an expansion of their hatred from my group of friends to the rest of the world, and there can definitely be no good stemming from that.
The Olympic Sorta True Fact of the Day:
The five rings on the Olympic Emblem originated from the first and only Olympic event available in the first Olympic Games. That event was 'The Ring Toss.' Each country selected one individual to toss all five rings onto a ring-catching pole. Considering that back in the day, only a couple of countries were known to have existed, there were very few contenders. But of course, the inventor of the game, according to US patents, Roy L Keim, representing the city of Wichita, in the country of Kansas, reigned victorious, as he knew the only cheat code for the game, which still retains the value of confidential information. The cheat code still remains one of the most sought after secrets known to man.
Who'da thunk it?
Hip, hip, hooray for Andres Bonifacio!!!
After a long, seemingly endless flight from Beijing, I have returned to my home base, and sad to say, I have no medals to show for it, even though I competed in nearly every event possible. I'm not too sure what I was thinking when I decided to compete in any of the water events, especially when I know for a sure fact that I lack the ability to swim or even tread water. However, I am proud to say that after my diving event, I did pee in the little jacuzzi bath that all the participants jump in after jumping out of the pool.
The only event I didn't take part in was any and all equestrian events because we all know that horses are Superman's kryptonite, and although I'm no Superman, I'd sure hate to see what happens if I mounted some big-donged beast and lashed it with my cat-o-nine tails.
I was planning to put a bid for a future Summer Olympics to be held at my house, but I'm pretty sure my parents would get really pissed off, leading to an expansion of their hatred from my group of friends to the rest of the world, and there can definitely be no good stemming from that.
The Olympic Sorta True Fact of the Day:
The five rings on the Olympic Emblem originated from the first and only Olympic event available in the first Olympic Games. That event was 'The Ring Toss.' Each country selected one individual to toss all five rings onto a ring-catching pole. Considering that back in the day, only a couple of countries were known to have existed, there were very few contenders. But of course, the inventor of the game, according to US patents, Roy L Keim, representing the city of Wichita, in the country of Kansas, reigned victorious, as he knew the only cheat code for the game, which still retains the value of confidential information. The cheat code still remains one of the most sought after secrets known to man.
Who'da thunk it?
Hip, hip, hooray for Andres Bonifacio!!!
8.08.2008
08.08.08
Who's bad?!
Some young buck at work tried giving me direct orders today. When he returned from lunch, he found out I didn't do as I was told, so this goober twat decides to snitch on me. (What a fuckin' bitch!) Consequently, I was written up and warned that if I was disobedient again, they'd either fire me or start cracking them slave whips on my dirty ass. What I'm wondering is how the hell am I getting written up. It's like I'm in high school all over again, only in high school, I never really got written up, so I guess maybe it's not like high school all over again at all. Either way, this mother hugger kept giving me hard looks all day, threatening to kick my ass through his whispers just low enough as to prevent me from hearing, though I'm not too sure what the whole point of making threats are if they can't be heard. I'm sure he's just dealing with issues of an abusive father and a neglected childhood filled with drug-related behavior and rebelliousness of being a spoiled, rich kid, so I'll give him leeway for his inappropriate behavior, but if it happens again, I might not be so lenient.
On the brighter side, I finally picked out that hard piece of snot that's been tickling the top of my nose for the past three days, and damn it feels good. It's like my head is ten pounds lighter. The only sad part is that I am no longer laughing with every inhalation of breath when the booger bomb would tickle my nasal cavity. For this relief, I would like to thank the pinky nail I neglected to clip away for a straight two months. If I had clipped that nail along with the rest of them last week, I may still be stuck with this boulder snot in my nose. If only my old school booger wall wasn't irreplacable, I might've kept the golden nugget for safe keeping. I'm just happy that I didn't breathe in that booger because if it found my way into my mouth, it would've been really gross.
So apparently, the Olympics started today, and I never got my phone call from the committee to inform me that I would be contending in the Power Walking event. I am officially pissed out over this. Oh, well. Anger is the least of my worries. Especially, since there are conditions far worse from my own currently occurring in this world and shit, like the fact that the homeless population is dropping, which can only mean that I could be moving down in economic status from somewhat poor to almost very poor. Then again, I'm not one to hate on the success of others, so "good stuff" to the homeless people back on their feet, unless of course the drop of population of homeless people means that they're dying, then...you know..."not good stuff" and shit. Forget it. You know what I mean.
Q: Why didn't Jamal Pirruth earn money as a comedian?
A: Because his jokesmade no sense weren't funny!!!
Some young buck at work tried giving me direct orders today. When he returned from lunch, he found out I didn't do as I was told, so this goober twat decides to snitch on me. (What a fuckin' bitch!) Consequently, I was written up and warned that if I was disobedient again, they'd either fire me or start cracking them slave whips on my dirty ass. What I'm wondering is how the hell am I getting written up. It's like I'm in high school all over again, only in high school, I never really got written up, so I guess maybe it's not like high school all over again at all. Either way, this mother hugger kept giving me hard looks all day, threatening to kick my ass through his whispers just low enough as to prevent me from hearing, though I'm not too sure what the whole point of making threats are if they can't be heard. I'm sure he's just dealing with issues of an abusive father and a neglected childhood filled with drug-related behavior and rebelliousness of being a spoiled, rich kid, so I'll give him leeway for his inappropriate behavior, but if it happens again, I might not be so lenient.
On the brighter side, I finally picked out that hard piece of snot that's been tickling the top of my nose for the past three days, and damn it feels good. It's like my head is ten pounds lighter. The only sad part is that I am no longer laughing with every inhalation of breath when the booger bomb would tickle my nasal cavity. For this relief, I would like to thank the pinky nail I neglected to clip away for a straight two months. If I had clipped that nail along with the rest of them last week, I may still be stuck with this boulder snot in my nose. If only my old school booger wall wasn't irreplacable, I might've kept the golden nugget for safe keeping. I'm just happy that I didn't breathe in that booger because if it found my way into my mouth, it would've been really gross.
So apparently, the Olympics started today, and I never got my phone call from the committee to inform me that I would be contending in the Power Walking event. I am officially pissed out over this. Oh, well. Anger is the least of my worries. Especially, since there are conditions far worse from my own currently occurring in this world and shit, like the fact that the homeless population is dropping, which can only mean that I could be moving down in economic status from somewhat poor to almost very poor. Then again, I'm not one to hate on the success of others, so "good stuff" to the homeless people back on their feet, unless of course the drop of population of homeless people means that they're dying, then...you know..."not good stuff" and shit. Forget it. You know what I mean.
Q: Why didn't Jamal Pirruth earn money as a comedian?
A: Because his jokes
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