10.22.2008

Rock the vote!

I don't plan to vote, but if ever I do, it will be when the presidential candidates settle their differences and determine who is the better selection through a dance off. I doubt that will ever happen, especially since the television keeps telling me that the economy is heading towards a depression, and usually depressed people prefer to drown their sorrows through heavy drug and alcohol abuse.

Another suggestion I heard today was that drugs should be legalized because taxing drugs could help to fuel the economical growth of the jungle world or some shit. I stopped paying attention because the idea seemed completely dumb to me. If the government made it a public thing that they were taking over the drug production and distribution industry, drug dealers all over America would have to find a job, thus making it that much more difficult for me to find a job.

Ehh. Enough about politics because I don't know shit about it.

On a more exciting note, I bought a twelve pack of condoms today, intending to one day put it to use, but knowing that realistically, they will sit hidden in my drawer well past the expiration date. As embarrassing as it was, it sure as hell felt good knowing that the cashier was thinking I was about to get laid twelve times in the very near future. I did, however, give away two condoms to two co-workers who are notorious for partaking in inappropriate behavior in the bathroom, which I no longer visit because of them. But after giving away those two, it felt real good to know that those co-workers were thinking I was going to get laid ten times in the near future.

On a more pissed off note, my consistently late manager complained to me about how I was late for work today. Normally, I'm on time and on point with it to the very minute, but today, I decided to take my time, making me 13 minutes late. After ignoring my manager's stupid lecture about time management, I checked his timecard and noticed that for the past two weeks, he's been more than 17 minutes late for each day he had to work. Ain't that some bullsnot?! If I don't get my raise, and I know I'm due for one within the next week, there's going to be a lot of stuffed up things bound to happen.

Back to the beginning, I should be elected president. I'll make sure that all U.S. citizens have full access to a can opener. I'll make sure that gas prices get higher, so that citizens will have a good reason to request a raise from their employers. And I'll promise to never press the red button, no matter how tempting it may be.

I'm Jamal Pirruth and I approve this message.

A day off of work plus boredom equals thoughtless thoughts and shit.

10.12.2008

asoidgvasij

Tomorrow begins the 27th yearlong celebration of a great man's birth. So, everybody raise your cups, bring out the ice cream cakes with strippers, gather with friends at a strip club, buy new stripper shoes, do cartwheels in parking lots of strip clubs, be lazy and sit around at home naked, or whatever you choose to do, just celebrate like it is your day...with strippers.

On another note, my manager at work was being a douchebag to me. Talking all this smack about how my desultory mind causes me to be contumatious. He's just mad because I only do work to propitiate myself because I openly contemn the fact his managerial skills aren't up to par.

On another another note, I have been trying to find really big words with the intent of openly insulting my manager, but not get in trouble for it. I told him today that he looked bescumbered, at which point, he looked at me like I was an idiot. I wish I could see his face when he found out the definition.

Tomorrow, I shall inform him that he's such a great manager, he probably has hirmiscus.